Quick Silver Speed Review: House of the Dead 2

Read Hollywood’s Quick Silver Speed Review of House of the Dead 2! 

Army guy giving pep talk..lets moooove out!
Shoot water guns
College hookers
Invade girls sorority
Stupid puns
Juice?! SOA…the early years
Girl hit by car…Guy whacks her with tire iron…stuffs in trunk
Dullest scissors ever
Injects her with something
Girl locked in room…blood everywhere
Dead girl starts wiggling
Failed to see girl right in front of him get up and walk around
Nude lady ATTACK!
Good ol Sticky FINGAAAZZ
Cheerleader attacks football players…football players attack each other
29 days later
Sid Haig attacks chef
Horrible French accent
Scuse me…getting paged…someone needs brain work or something
Date guys a douche
Jacques attacks!
Hello horse teeth
Shoots zombie..covered in blood just keeps chatting
Hypersapiens?
Paris Hilton head shooting target…HEH
SASSY Sticky Fingaz
You an asshole all the time Bart? Or do you take Sunday’s off for good behavior?
Let’s all run into a situation we aren’t sure of!! GO TEAM GO!
You hard as woodpecker lips?
Takes pretty much no blood…vial full
Guy hasn’t been talking Sticky Fingaz tells him to kill dat chattah!
Zombies don’t read…they ain’t hooked on phonics!
Zombie librarian shushes them
You crummy teens!
Calls everyone kiddo
Bzzzzz bzzzzzz bzzzzzz…Mosquito makes you zombie
See ya Sticky Fingaz
Takes a bite…pulls out whole organ
Evolving to chew specifically through armor?
Girl in room started it all
Shoots girl in head…says sometimes a mind isn’t a terrible thing to waste…ugh
Horrible acting
Vial of blood needed lost
Every minute we waste is a minute we lose? Thank you captain obvious
Zombie throws football?
10 minutes until bomb goes off…takes time to write game plan on chalk board
They smell gunpowder?
Cheapest door ever
Ok it’s been waaaaaay more than 10 minutes
Conserve bullets! Here lets shoot them where we know it won’t kill them
Is the blood sample intact? Is looking right at a broken vial
A blast to 1 building…did it contain all of it?

 

 

My thoughts: So, the first House of the Dead was no Oscar winner and this one wasn’t much improved from that. The makers of this movie need to look up the word “logic” and learn how to use it. Plot holes anyone? This movie has plenty to share! The team goes back with supposedly 10 minutes until the bombs are let loose to try to contain the infection. The last 30-40 minutes is them trying to get the first phase of infected blood to try to find a cure after the first vial is ruined. They take time to talk about it and do a little drawing on a chalk board…wait around for Ellis to do his plan which takes even more time. Apparently their time movies much slower than our time because they should have been dead well before they would have had time for all that crap! When the bombs do finally drop…excuse me…the BOMB finally drops its on 1 building of fairly large college campus. How is that going to do anything? The building containing “Patient Zero” is the one blown up and they consider going back for more blood when the second vial is destroyed. You failed! Twice! Time to boodle on! Ellis acts as though he’s trying to escape a group of zombies and literally walks into the middle then acts like he’s being surrounded and tries to run. Where’s this mans award for outstanding acting? The effects for the zombies were surprisingly ok but that couldn’t make up for the rest of this train wreck. If you know head shots will kill them why waste so much time shooting them elsewhere? If the zombies smell gun powder no amount of smearing guts on you would mask that you’ve already been firing a gun and the powder is on you. And shooting someone in the head and then following that with “Sometimes a mind ISN’T a terrible thing to waste” isn’t clever or witty.

Rating:

2.5 Sticky zombie Fingaz out of 10

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