Movie Review: No Holds Barred

Read Hollywood’s Movie Review of No Holds Barred!

Rip, Hulk Hogan, is the WWF champion on a long running winning streak. Brell, the head of the World Television Network decides he wants Rip to join his team and wrestle for him. After arranging a meeting to try to talk Rip into joining him things don’t go as planned when Rip flat out refuses. Brell offers him a blank check to sweeten the pot but Rip, in his weird spandex attire ain’t havin’ it! When Brell repeatedly puts his hands on Rip telling him he can’t leave and calling him a jock-ass? He stuffs the check in Brell’s mouth and growls at his 2 lackeys.

image

Rip, you sassy bastard!

As he’s leaving in a limo the driver misses a turn…then another. Rip tells him he’s missed his turn when the windows close up and the driver hits the gas! Rip then tries to kick his way out of the car…causing the driver to swerve extremely dramatically all over the road but some how still ending up where he intended. In an abandoned building where some thugs wait to beat up Rip. He comes flying out of the car, fists flying and growls a plenty!

image

Rip, in yet another spandex outfit then meets Samantha…I’m guessing his new manager? She’s a good looking prude of a woman who Rip is instantly attracted to. She takes him to a French restaurant where he surprises her with speaking really bad French. But what’s this? Brell has hired her to seduce Rip to try to bring him to his side. But oh no…Samantha thinks he’s too nice and starts to like him. When a man wears booty shorts with slits up to his hips you can’t resist that!

Brell and his lackeys make it to a dive bar straight out of Road House and get an idea to do something called “The Battle of the Tough Guys”. A no holds barred fighting competition held on tv. Soon a hard breathing, unibrow, grunting Zeus shows up and beats them all! He then calls out Rip. Brell stops at nothing to get back at Rip for not accepting his offer. Involving Samantha and Rip’s brother into the mix. In the end when Rip and Zeus DO fight…Zeus meets a beyond logic hilarious end.

My thoughts: Man O MAN! Where to start with this movie. It is listed as an action film but that didn’t stop me from laughing through it. Hulk Hogan, though I loved him as a wrestler when I was little lacks some serious acting skills. The fact that they added a romantic angle to it only made things worse. When him and Samantha argue in the hotel room and he storms out saying the couch in the lobby had more of a sense of humor than she did? When he flaunts around in bikini underwear? Or maybe after Samantha is attacked he runs to her…after conveniently being at the right spot at the right time leans down and tries to cuddle her to only look like he’s trying to smother her? Or maybe when he’s beat all the thugs up and grabs one guy and he asks what the smell is and the guy says dookie? Oh, giggles were had. And I’ve never seen so many men grunt and literally growl with anger. I was also confused as to why 90% of the movie Rip wore wrestling attire to do everyday things? And in the dive bar someone screams for a guy to show them his teeth? Say what? No Holds Barred is one of those movies you can’t take seriously and I didn’t. *Growls loudly for no reason at all*.

Rating:

4.5 Zeus brows out of 10

image

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *